if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
