Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
i need some magic done to my vagina
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
