You can't special order awesome
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
