Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Randomize
