I think I just saw someone hide a body.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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