I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
