he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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