i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
