im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
