I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
