The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
