if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you win again, gameday.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
