I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Randomize
