There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
