I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
