You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Holy shit dude........stairs
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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