pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
