Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
