You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
