her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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