what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
