The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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