4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
