haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
