I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You took a bar mat shot.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
