Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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