the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
