my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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