I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
