Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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