I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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