Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
