Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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