so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
