Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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