Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
