Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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