If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
