I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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