I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
