please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
