Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
