did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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