its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
