I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
