But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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