She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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