I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
