Dual....:-)
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
