I just cut my nipple shaving
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
