i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
